Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
