I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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