There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
