Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
