Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
