i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
