her vagine was all disorganized.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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