I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize