Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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