peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
