??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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