I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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