He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
