I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
