Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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