wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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