Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
