I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
