she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
