I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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