Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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