i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
