just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
