he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
