He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
