I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
