FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
