I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
