I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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