I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
