i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
