I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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