holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
