Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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