Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How's work?
Spinning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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