I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
