and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
