i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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