someone threw a dead crab at me
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
