dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
