I just made out with a guy for $7.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Randomize
