it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
