You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
