RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
