is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
