I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
