she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize