so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
