This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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