They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
