i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
