I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I look better un-naked...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
