Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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