Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
God, I missed his penis.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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