And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
