hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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