They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
