the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
