Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
did i just pee glitter
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize