And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
