My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
