At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So many bounce houses so little time
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
