dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
