I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We're too hungover to prance.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
