I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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