God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
