I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
