I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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