My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
