Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
