you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Someone signed my nipple.
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