Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
