Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
